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Joke of the Day

"Self-control (n.): Charlize Theron keeping a straight face on when the mirror tells her Kristen Stewart is prettier than she is."

"I've always lived by the motto 'work hard, play hard' But the HR department is starting to get concerned and the guys I ball with at the gym hate when I guard them"

"Dear lord, I thank you for these noodles I am about to eat. Ramen."

"To women over 40, a guy with a belly and a sense of humor is a great catch. A guy who's buff is considered a narcissist and a pole-smoker."

"Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because ""The Sum of All Fears"" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography."

"I used to be poor. Then I found a thesaurus now I am impecunious."

"My dad's a superhero He's the invisible man. Edit: Wow! This is my most upvoted post. Thanks for the love strangers!"

"So what do you think? New hair? No Shoes? No Bag? No Pants? No * 3 days later watching TV OMG u rearranged the living room - Men"

"Why did the Spy cross the road? 'Cause he wasn't really on your side."

"A Muslim extremist, a Democrat, and Hillary supporter walk into a bar.... 49 people die, 53 more are injured"