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Joke of the Day

"What does a skeleton use to carry his bones? A CART-ilage"

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"My wife is extremely pissed off At least my girlfriend understands"
"Bad guys gotta have a meeting and decide once and for all Liam Neeson's family is off limits."
"""You know, the average woman does it at least 8 times a year in her sleep."" -Peter Parker attempting to convince Mary Jane to swallow"
"I always draw track marks on my arms and cough a lot when visiting family so that no one asks me to hold their baby or help prepare food."
"What do you call a white person on fire? A firecracker."
"Lif... ...is too short."
"Have you guys heard about the corduroy pillows? There making head lines. (classic) Edit: goddammit...they're"
"Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people?"
"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the penis..*ER..LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!*"