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Joke of the Day

"Bad guys gotta have a meeting and decide once and for all Liam Neeson's family is off limits."

"What's a female lizard's favorite song? ""Girls just iguana have fun""."

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? a fsh."

"Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren't your pants. Give them back to your sister."

"What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a kidney bean on my face."

"Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap."

"""Mom, do you have time to play Crazy 8's?"" ""No I'm making dinner, I don't have the time to learn a new game right now."" ""It's not new, it was made in the 1960's"""

"Me: let's go vegetarian Husband: can we still eat eggs M: of course H: fish? M: obviously H: bacon on special occas- M: we'd be crazy not to"

"Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it's gone by tomorrow."

"The only thing between me & a killing spree is the fact that I'd have to poop in front of people in prison."