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Joke of the Day
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up."
Next Joke
"A lot of people like to smoke ciggarettes after sex. But you can't buy ciggarettes until you're 16. So I have to get them for both of us"
"""Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."" Me, to my empty bag of Oreos."
"Snow is like the Jews ... Won't make you feel uncomfortable as long as you have a working furnace"
"Just spilled beer on my crotch, so to save myself from the embarrassment, I pissed my pants. Can't have people thinking I'm a sloppy drinker"
"Tiger Woods: cool name, scary place"
"Ever heard of the blind gynecologist? He could read lips"
"Sometimes I like to stop and fart at the jewelry counter in Macy's to remind them that there's common folk like us that shop there too."
"US Mexicans who support Donald Trump Clearly demonstrate appreciation for a trip to beautiful Mexico. --- ^And ^come ^back."
"There are 10 kinds of people in this world. The ones who know binary and the ones who don't."