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Joke of the Day

"2019: Tumblr blinks offline, satisfied, having completed its mission of collecting all existing TV and film footage as GIF files."

"Q: What do pelicans eat? A: Anything that fits the bill."

"I'm always suspicious of stairs. They're usually up to something."

"Saint Peter: Name M: David SP: You're in M: Even after that night in Nogales?! SP *winks* *takes a step* *trap door opens* SP: Sucka!"

"The company that makes the Opera browser have asked Sir Patrick Stewart to redesign their logo They want him to make its O."

"Executioner: final words? Executionee:Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Er: you done? Ee: didn't buy me as much time as I thought actually."

"Why do Jewish people have big noses? Air is free...."

"Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way? He was galactose intolerant."

"Why can't dormant volcanoes erupt? They have eruptile dysfunction"

"[Date] Him: I don't trust myself around you Her(flirtatiously): Oh, stop Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you went to bathroom"