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Joke of the Day

"*Opens fridge *Sees chocolate bar with a note ""please don't eat me"". *Eats chocolate bar Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?"

"What do you call a pig with no legs? A groundhog!"

"A great way to relive your childhood is to outgrow your clothes every few months."

"Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a painting..."

"What kind of cars do shellfish drive? Mussel cars."

"Kid: Dad, what does ironic mean? Dad: Well son, when 2 people decide to get married on Independence Day....."

"The sign of a true gentleman... ...is one who knows how to play the bagpipes, but chooses not to."

"Why did the ska guitarist take twice as long to fap? He only knows up strokes"

"I hate when someone makes the comment ""he says what we're all thinking"" when he obviously said nothing about sexy lesbians."