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Joke of the Day

"[speaking to a guy who looks nothing like Ed Sheeran] ""Hey man, do people ever say you look like Ed Sheeran?"" ""No"" ""Didn't think so"""

"A midwife delivered a baby and asked the mother "" wow your baby has such lovely hair, does he get it from his dad?"" The new mother replied "" I don't know, he wore a hat"""

"Shout out to... Everyone who doesn't know the opposite of in."

"After a few days without my phone, I've learned what's really important in life. My phone."

"Two friends: - I heard that you have founded a musical band. - Yes it is a quartet. - How many are you? - We are three. - Three? - Me and my brother. - You have a brother? - No why do you ask?"

"Is it okay for men to sit down to pee? The manager of this sofa store doesn't seem to think so."

"There needs to be a Meat Likers Pizza for those of us afraid of commitment."

"Pilot [on intercom]: You guys want to see a dead body?"

"Santa Clause and a Jew [NSFW] Whats the difference between Santa Clause and a Jew? Santa Clause comes down the Chimney."

"Where do you guys stand on the cheese debate? I'm staunchly pro-volone."