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Joke of the Day

"The sign of a true gentleman... ...is one who knows how to play the bagpipes, but chooses not to."

"BIRDMAN Little girl: ""Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"" Mother: ""Because he thinks he's a chicken."" Little girl: ""Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"" Mother: ""We need the eggs."""

"What's the difference between a hotdog and a dead baby? You don't ejaculate on a hotdog before you eat it."

"When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone... he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris"

"Best joke for Americans. My friend calls me up and asks ""Hey are you free tonight?"" And I say of course, I'm American."

"Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right... But three rights make a left"

"How do you kill Donald Trump? You dont, that would be a poor life decision you would most likely be imprisoned. But you get to practice your TRUMPet."

"Trying to grab something out of my minivan while the automatic door is closing is the most Indiana Jones-y part of my day."

"Starting to believe that your family tree must've been cactus."

"- Baby, I just want everything to be like it was at the beginning. - When we first met? - No, before that."