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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang a painting..."

"[Commercial for hobbies] Like drugs for people who don't do drugs. ""HOBBIES"""

"""I just tried to make reservations at the library"" You don't need a res- ""Couldn't get one though"" Don't do this ""They were fully booked"""

"Just bumped into my old French teacher and she asked me what I'm up to now. I told her I go to the cinema and play football with my brother."

"My lesbian neighbors... My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday. It's nice, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, ""I wanna watch."""

"Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? He heard the ref was blowing fowls."

"Who was the roundest knight at the King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference"

"Every dog, in a previous life, has been murdered by a shoe."

"Before saying anything like ""you have really soft hands for a man"", just be like so goddamned sure they're a man."

"I consider you a female sheep Gotta say it aloud. *ewe"