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Joke of the Day

"if you give your dog a middle name i hope he runs away"

"dad u make dolphin noises mom u make pinacolada noises grandma u put on this sailboat costume. I told this girl on skype im 16/surfer/hawaii"

"Why did the lonely man work on his days off? (X-post /r/dadjokes) He loved the company."

"My mirror and my camera have two completely different ideas of what I look like!"

"Sneezed while doing sign language and accidentally threw up a gang sign. 17 drug lords are chasing me down the street. Send help."

"Let's hollow out a meatball & just live in there forever like James & the giant peach but instead of a peach it's a meatball do you get it?"

"The Anesthesiologist has become Comfortably numb."

"Leaving early on a Friday and saying, ""Have a good weekend!"" to people who have to work a full day is like dancing in front of a paraplegic."

"I could win the Nobel Peace Prize and not feel as accomplished as I do when I successfully put together something from Ikea."

"Whats small,green and smells like pork ? Kermit the frogs dick !"