142830

Joke of the Day

"""So all you have to do is scroll down the screen to reverse her progression from sexy prom queen to fat soccer mom."" - Facebook's Timeline"

"My ex-girlfriend had a parakeet That fucking thing would never shut up. The bird was pretty cool though."

"What's Jewish and runs? The Diarrhea of Anne Frank"

"Have you heard of the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines everywhere."

"I discovered the number one reason OP never delivers. #"

"Him: Can you forgive me? *mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is* Me: Yes, but I'm really hurt so please give me time."

"Me: My friend really likes you. Her: I'm a lesbian. Me: Ah ok... Her: ... Me: ... Her: ... Me: So... What part of Lesbia are you from?"

"Rihanna's restraining order against Chris Brown says he cannot ""harass or annoy"" her. I want one of those against everyone ever."

"If Donald Trump has been married three times... Does that make Melania the ""Third Lady""?"

"""Premature ejaculation man I NEED HELP!!"" I'M COMING!"