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Joke of the Day

"Him: Can you forgive me? *mental montage of me trying to figure out who this guy is* Me: Yes, but I'm really hurt so please give me time."

"I heard there was a bombing in Times Square. But it was just Mariah."

"There is a guy who lives in my town that holds the record for the most concussions by a human. He actually lives right near me, only a stone's throw away."

"Trump is already making good on his promise for jobs. Who else would hire Three Doors Down?"

"When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell."

"A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, ""why the long face?"" & the horse says, ""why the English Lit degree?"""

"A blonde sees a another blonde across a lake and asks ""How do I get to the other side?"" the other blonde replies... ""You are on the other side""."

"What are Mozart and Beethoven up to these days? They're both Decomposing"

"So, I'm thinking of getting a sex change. Currently I have none, but I identify as someone who does. EDIT: Changed relate to identify. I think it better that way."

"Knock, Knock Who's there. Buccaneer. Buccaneer who. You'll have to speak up; i can't buccaneer hear you"