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Joke of the Day

"Tonight we're gonna party like its 1999. No seriously, Greg's been in a coma for 14 years. We'll tell him that shit tomorrow night though."

"How do hobbit flowers grow? Through Frodo-synthesis."

"Hey did you hear the punchline about the scary cow? It was Terror bull."

"I just woke up and scared the hell out of this mortician."

"Told my wife that the doctor thinks I have irritable vowel syndrome. She said, ""I think you mean 'bowel'."" I said, ""Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."""

"Pancake Day ... Has has really creped up on me this year"

"________________________ With all the bad puns going around, I had to draw the line somewhere."

"Math problems were invented by men, just so women would be wrong some of the time."

"What's the difference between a virgin and a lightbulb? You can un-screw a lightbulb."

"""When it rains, it pours."" -Shitty weatherman"