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Joke of the Day

"I just woke up and scared the hell out of this mortician."

"I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit."

"I bought a new book today called ""How to end your pet's life with dignity"" Even after I'd read it, I just couldn't put it down."

"Are Nicolas Cage movies terrible because he's in them? Or is Nicolas Cage in movies because they are terrible?"

"What did the pirate say to his kids when picking them up from school? Get in the carrrrrrrrrrrr!"

"How do you say ""bra"" in german? CUZITHODZITFOMFOPIN."

"I can't direct you the ingredients to the ultimate diet shake.... But I can show you the whey"

"I really hope it's a typo on your resume where it says you're ""goat oriented""."

"Did you hear about the clarinet player who left her clarinet in the backseat of her unlocked car? When she got back, there were 14 more."

"What do you call Dr Dre, Eazy-E, Ice Cube and MC Ren rapping on top of Mt. Everest? Niggas with Altitude."