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Joke of the Day
"Dyslexic Zombie What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brians"
Next Joke
"I had a cold so I stopped by the drug store. I asked for some vitamin C. The Spanish pharmacist said ""Si'"" I said ""Yes, C"" And that is how the fight got started."
"I hear birds chirping. Either I'm up way too late or I've banged my head cartoon style."
"I think my neighbor is stalking me... I saw her googling my name through my telescope."
"You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener."
"What do wives and shingles have in common? if you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's."
"Do you know what's cooler than those fake chains around your license plate? Everything. Every single thing in the world."
"In honor of Nelson Mandela Day Someone opened up a tire shop down the road from where I live and named it after the late Nelson Mandela. They named it ""Mandela's Apartires R Us"""
"I could see every bottle of ketchup in the restaurant. Heinz sight is 20/20."
"[stubs toe] ""GOD DAMMIT"" God: No problem, bro. [toe goes to Hell]"