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Joke of the Day

"In honor of Nelson Mandela Day Someone opened up a tire shop down the road from where I live and named it after the late Nelson Mandela. They named it ""Mandela's Apartires R Us"""

"Women, should start bragging about their size like men do. For example, I happen to be hung like a Tic-Tac."

"When I was a kid, I would launch Hamsters and other small rodents in my model rockets. I called it the Gerbil Space Program."

"I'm bringing sexy back. Apparently there was a misunderstanding and I never should have been allowed to purchase it in the first place."

"Have you heard about the invention of the shovel? It was groundbreaking"

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Poke-her-face!"

"My girlfriend hates it when I surprise her when shes sleeping... OK, so she's not my girlfriend yet..."

"Bless you, my son... What is the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits for puberty before coming on his face."

"My wallet was stolen today... this is the first time I've been sad after losing five pounds."

"I went to the store to get 6 cans of sprite... Ended up picking 7up"