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Joke of the Day

"He said he was a Guardian of the galaxy, I thought that was pretty cool until I realised he was a security guard in a Samsung shop."

"What's the opposite of assault? a pepper."

"What do Popeye's fingers smell like? Olive oil."

"if running over deer had taught me anything... It's that if somethings horny, plow it on the hood of your car"

"Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair."

"Did you know that Davy Crockett had three ears? His left ear, his right ear, and his wild frontier."

"One day, my mother barged into my room and screamed, ""Turn off that gangsta rap music!"" I was listening to Lecrae..."

"Knock knock Who's there? You want two CDs You want two CDs who? You want to see deez nutz?"

"No I don't want to ride in a basket beneath your giant flying fire tent."

"Tell me twitter, just how the f am I similar to a Buick dealership?"