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Joke of the Day

"He said he was a Guardian of the galaxy, I thought that was pretty cool until I realised he was a security guard in a Samsung shop."

"""Go ahead, caller...."" ""Mom, you have to stop answering your phone that way."""

"How can you tell that the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of *both* sides of his mouth."

"The Suicide Hotline is Unbearable They always leave people hanging."

"What is Dracula's girlfriend called when she gives him head? Down for the count!"

"What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum? Bad Breath and Beyond."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? 16, one to change the bulb, and 15 to form a support group."

"Every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal."

"I have often wanted to drown my sorrows. But, I can't get my wife to go swimming."

"I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about Black Friday... Personally, I think all Fridays should matter."