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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell that the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of *both* sides of his mouth."

"Your tattoo says ""only god can judge me"" yet here i am...."

"[a postapocalyptic world where everyone has killed themselves so they dont have to hear my opinions] me: lemme explain y this is problematic"

"Can anyone explain this joke for me? I just don't get it, so it is either meant to be absurd/nonsensical or I am missing historical context: Q:What do you know about Damascus? A:It kills 99% of germs."

"I want to do for the unibrow what Hitler did for the little moustache."

"What do the LAPD and computers have in common? They can both burn C.D's"

"Scientists have discovered that radioactive fluids with a half-life of 3 years take a long time to travel through valves"

"I once worked in a pathology lab... ...but I was asked to leave after one of my reports said ""cause of death: autopsy:"""

"I always thought District of Columbia was a weird name Until I realized it probably has the highest rates of coffee and caffeine usage anywhere in the US"

"Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have a brother or sister? Monica Lewinsky swallowed them."