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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you trick an aborted baby? Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"It's going to be a cold day today in Motown...... Three Degrees, Four Tops."

"I didn't realize how parenting had changed me until I was walking by my 7yo with an ice cream sandwich down my pants so he wouldn't see it"

"Cocky joke: You know, I've recently decided I just don't like my penis. It's such a huge dick."

"The last time I stayed in a hotel I asked for a wake up call. So the next morning the front desk called me and asked ""What are you doing with your life?"" ""I'm up."""

"You ever notice how many narcissistic pirates there are? Everyone I meet won't stop saying Aye!"

"The Boy Scouts came up with the strongest knot in the world... You just leave a pair of earbuds in your pocket while you're hiking."

"WAITER: Room for dessert? [flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts] ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those."

"What do you call a big debate. A *Mass-Debate*"

"What's the worst way to lose your job? By firing squad."