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Joke of the Day

"GIRL: Dad, I want you to meet my boyfriend DAD: Your bf is a bald eagle? BALD EAGLE: *adjusting toupee* I'm just a regular eagle actually"

"A freind of mine just started his own business in Afghanistan. He's making land-mines that look like prayer mats. It's doing well. He says prophets are going through the roof."

"What's the name of the elite hacking group from Canada? Anonymoose"

"Reading's great. You stare at stained slices of tree for hours on end, hallucinating vividly as time passes you by."

"""Give it to me!! I'm so fucking wet!"" She screamed at me... ""Fuck off. This is MY umbrella."""

"Wanna hear a joke? Modern society"

"You don't have to speak bird to know that when they chirp right outside your window they're asking for you to kill them."

"Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, ""Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."""

"Nothing freaks me out like when I'm ordering from a Chinese restaurant and I ask ""What kind of meat is that?"" and they answer ""yes"""

"What did the DNA say to the RNA? What are U doing here?"