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Joke of the Day

"[car dealership] ""Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?"" *Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* ""Oh."""

"""Avocado Kedavra"" -Harry Potter before tuning his enemies into guacamole"

"No thanks officer. I don't even give strange men my phone number, and you're asking for my license and registration."

"I didn't see a single Olympic wrestler use the sleeper hold or figure four leg lock..."

"Why you never mess with imported ants? Because they are **important**."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive? because she's dead"

"What do you call a joke with the wrong punchline? To get to the other side!"

"Mary Rose sat on a pin Mary rose"

"This is why I'm leaving /r/jokes: I have a dentist appointment. I'll be back in an hour."

"I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month... ...I'll be done reading this dictionary."