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Joke of the Day

"I have a step-ladder I've never known my biological ladder"

"Mom: Hey honey who are you talking too? Me: My girlfriend. Mom: Don't lie to me you fatass! You're ordering pizza aren't you? Me: ( ._. )"

"What shoes does ninjas use? Sneakers."

"I will be tweeting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me."

"I like to think of myself as a guy who doesn't scare too easily but I just beat the shit out of a motion activated air freshener."

"I'm not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I'm forgetting to do."

"What do you call a hooker fart? A prostitoooooot"

"I showed up to my girlfriend's house. She said, ""Why, don't you look nice!?"" I said, ""Thanks."" ""It wasn't a compliment."" she added."

"Did you hear about the guy who had a really short temper because of his botched sex change? He was always going around half-cocked."

"What sort of violin does a ghost play? A dreadivarius."