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Joke of the Day

"Ladies...when I say bless you after a sneeze, just say Thank you, instead of wondering where in the bushes that just came from."

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"I'm on a seafood diet I sea food and I eat it."
"How did they improve the transportation in Harlem? Moved the trees closer together."
"Why did the feminist refuse to work at the post office? Because it was a mail dominated industry"
"Until you can't kill a spider with an e-book, Print media will live."
"What is trees' preferred drug? Water. It helps them get high."
"FERRET OWNERS: EITHER GET A CAT OR A SNAKE STOP TRYING TO SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE"
"I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers. I nearly fell out of my tree."
"""Bear with me for a minute."" - Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend."
"Once I meet a hot chick I automatically give her money. So if she says I'm stalking her I can tell the cops she's a hooker."