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Joke of the Day

"I'm on a seafood diet I sea food and I eat it."

"Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions? ""Onions"" was his dog... D:"

"I'm surprised more death row inmates don't choose a machine gun, a key to the prison, and a helicopter for their last meal."

"The light at the end of the tunnel are the front lights of a train."

"I was up late last night watching Philadelphia with Tom Hanks... ...We were the finalists in a cream cheese staring competition."

"Mary had a little sheep and with the sheep she went to sleep. The sheep turned out to be a ram so Mary had a little lamb."

"I've had enough of this shit. I thought to myself as i sat on the toilet for 3 hours."

"Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is being at a party and feeling socially awkward."

"Believe it or not but my penis was once in the book of Guinness World Records. The librarian got pretty pissed though and kicked me out."

"I secretly love men from Scotland... It's my kilty pleasure."