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Joke of the Day

"What do you call playing chess against yourself? Chessturbation."

"Hour 3: The group of hipsters has accepted me. However, the leader seems suspicious of the cinnamon roll man bun I taped on top of my head."

"a rock fell out my pocket and i crouched down to find it and a bunch of people helped like i lost a contact. had to pretend it wasn't a rock"

"A committee has narrowed the search for a name for the newly hypothesised 9th planet. It's between Urpenis and Urvagina."

"Marriage is like a seesaw. It's not fun if one of them is fat."

"I just found a half eaten hotdog inside of a Mr.Potatohead in the hamper. Living with a toddler is like living with a tiny hammered person."

"The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building."

"What is Juan's favorite book to read? Tequila Mockingbird"

"I remember when my grand father first got his pace maker Every time he would go to use the microwave he would piss his pants and forget who he was for about an half an hour or so."

"I'd rather break your headboard than your heart."