31987

Joke of the Day

"So I was on tindr today and someone offered me a $125/hr ""girlfriend experience"" So she expects me to pay her 125 an hour to argue with me in the middle of an Applebee's!?"

"If God had an iPhone, like 8 of the 10 Commandments would have typos in them."

"Why don't male dogs date? They think all women are bitches. ... Dogs are terrible people."

"My wife treats me like an idol she feeds me burnt offerings"

"Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed the other day? What was her name, Reese... > Witherspoon? No, it was with a knife."

"Where do most black people work? In jail"

"Why are atoms untrustworthy? They make up everything. Credit to /u/ipsokinetikon from an askreddit thread about what not to trust."

"What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown? AI (Artificial Intelligence)"

"How does a Mexican use 'liver' and 'cheese' in the same sentence? Liver alone, cheese mine!"

"Why can't Jesus roller skate? Because he's naild to a cross."