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Joke of the Day

"The proper way to make a Caesar salad is to repeatedly stab it with dozens of other people in a Senate building."

"Why was the band late to their gig? Because the drummer locked himself in the car with the keys."

"Everyone claims Bill Cosby didn't care about his victims.. but eventually they all came to"

"Did you hear about the terrorists who hijacked a plane of lawyers? They threatened to release one every hour til their demands were met."

"Interviewer: What's your greatest strength? Me: I'm hyper observant Interviewer: You have mustard in your beard Me: Oh.."

"If your wife is a school crossing guard, you're missing a huge opportunity if you don't tell people she's into human trafficking."

"I masturbate with my pinkie finger pointed straight out. That way if anyone ever walks in on me, I'll still look all classy and shit"

"What is the difference between a Muslim and Dutch? As a Muslim you get stoned for being gay, but both are legal for a Dutch."

"A boy swallows a whole jar of coins... A boy swallows a whole jar of coins, and is taken to a hospital. When the doctor came out to speak with the parents, he said, ""No change yet."""

"The doorbell rings... A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step. She asks, ""Can I stay here for a few days?"" The man says, ""Sure you can."" And shuts the door."