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Joke of the Day

"A committee has narrowed the search for a name for the newly hypothesised 9th planet. It's between Urpenis and Urvagina."

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"My head says ""go to the gym"" but my heart says, ""stay on the internet forever and eat!"""
"Top 10 inappropriate songs to sing at a children's karaoke party; 10 - Sometimes When We Touch"
"*sees cute girl on sidewalk* nice *she makes eye contact* oh wow *she smiles* is this happening *she's holding a clipboard* god dammit"
"What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear? A barracuchi."
"So the other day at the ATM an elderly lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her o_O"
"George Zimmerman was arrested again for aggravated assault with a weapon. It's almost like there's a pattern here."
"My lame RPG joke. What do you call a thief with steel armor? A stealer!!!!!"
"Once I was travelling in a taxi, the taxi driver said: ""I am very happy with this job. I am my own boss and nobody can order me what to do."" Then I said: ""Take left."""
"If you pee on a cop Urine trouble. (Credit to my bff)"
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