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Joke of the Day

"My son is explaining why my daughter is crying but I'm not buying it as I don't think she can even say, ""Please kick me in the face""."

Next Joke
 
"A 900 kilogram pumpkin fell on a local man today. Reports say he was squashed."
"I heard Target is closing all its stores in Canada I guess you can say nobody will miss it"
"Every time my Father in law gets trashed, he asks if I've lost weight... So naturally I bring a bottle of scotch every time we visit."
"Wanna hear a joke about pizza? never mind, it's too cheesy. -__-"
"My wife gave birth to twin boys the other day. And I've decided to name them Jerry and Forgery."
"Me: Hey, do you want to go buy some- Wife: YES!"
"The show ""The Office"" ended in 2013. We are now living in a post-office world."
"A guy is about to die Guy: How much time do I have left, doctor? Doctor: 10 Guy: 10 what?! 10 days, 10 months, 10 years? Doctor: 9...8...7...6...5..."
"My professor accused me of plagiarism His words, not mine."