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Joke of the Day

"God never gives you more than you can handle. But I'm not God. I'm just a bag boy. And you'll wanna take these groceries out in the cart."

"This is why I'm leaving /r/jokes: I have a dentist appointment. I'll be back in an hour."

"Why do sharks circle their prey? ""dad, why do the sharks swim in circles like that before they eat someone?"" ""it makes them taste better, son."" ""taste better? How? "" ""it scares the shit out of them."""

"I'm addicted to poverty If my bank account has money in it I suffer withdrawal."

"Oscar Pistorious That sounds like a spell Harry Potter uses to make your legs fall off"

"What do silicon and my ex girlfriend have in common? the resistance of both drop when doped."

"America is kind of like testicles If the right nut can't agree with the left nut. We can't produce."

"""Go to hell"" is so abstract. ""Get trapped in a porta potty for 67 months."" Now that's specific. That's possible. That's terrifying."

"My future is so bright I need to stay in my room browsing reddit until nightfall."

"What's the difference between a bindle of cocaine and a baby?? Eric Clapton wouldn't let one fall out the window"