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Joke of the Day

"Concert Problems... Kroeger: They tell me, no one knows you guys. Bono: U2."

"Wife: My mom is watching our kids for the night. Me: Oh, baby. Do you know what we can do? *falls asleep at 7 p.m.*"

"Even if you disagree with his politics you have to admit that for a second term president he doesn't even look pregnant."

"The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a banana."

"Relationships are a lot like algebra. You look at X and try to figure out Y."

"The museum curator was able to identify the slutty violin... ...it was a Straddlevarious :("

"What do you get when you combine a goat egg and a goat sperm? A Zy-Goat I'll escort myself out."

"There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. The fraction guy reminded me of this."

"My psychiatrist said my exhibitionist disorder was incurable. I'll show her."

"One sperm says to another... ""Hey, which way to the egg?"" The other sperm replies, ""I'm not sure, but we just passed the tonsils."""