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Joke of the Day

"When I go out to eat I wear a shirt w/ a picture of me shirtless on it, because I hate rules but I like service."

"I have invented a revolutionary drug that can cure third-world hunger... Just take one little pill with a meal 3x per day."

"The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws."

"6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?"

"What did the bun say to the hot dog? I relish the fact that you've mustard the will to ketchup to me!"

"A little bit of racism Scientists have found that your fingerprints may indicate that you are black or white. For example, if your fingerprints were found at the crime scene, you're probably black."

"Lazy People Fact #5812672793 You were too lazy to read that number"

"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down-And possibly use a lubricant."

"Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead"

"I'm okay with selling fake ID's to minors because they're all organ donor cards."