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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead"

"I keep burning food with my Presidential Debate microwave... I set it for 2 minutes but it never stops on time."

"I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through."

"Take time to relax especially when you don't have time for it."

"Hero's don't wear capes, they wear dog tags."

"What do you call a lad that put on his glasses? Seymour."

"When I remember trees are alive I like to picture their brain is the roots and the trunk and branches are its legs dangling into the sky."

"How does a vampire get through life with only one fang? He has to grin and bare it."

"To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either."

"Some people around here retweet like it's coming out of their booze allowance."