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Joke of the Day

"I would be a terrible stalker because A) not motivated enough 7) you would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you."

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"Playing Scrabble is like talking to women... You spend the whole time looking at the rack trying to form words."
"What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again."
"Why is the homeless /r/anime mod still homeless? Every time someone tries to give him Shelter, he rejects it."
"Why did MacDonald's ban Tumblr? Because they don't serve Trans-Fats."
"Potato is like Soviet rape. Not come everyday, but fill you up when is come."
"Snapple's made from ""The Best Stuff on Earth."" Really? Heroin-laced Nutella?"
"I want to follow a random family around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all of their photos."
"wait, THESE are pistachios? i've been calling them wood clams"
"Thanks for the Facebook invite to your wedding cheapass. Please enjoy this FarmVille mystery gift on the occasion of your marriage."