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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a drug pusher and a prostitute? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again."

"LAWYER: where were you Oct 13th? ME: alibi school LAWYER: can u prove this? ME: wait, the 13th? LAWYER: ya ME: k no I was murdering that day"

"I told the dog it is weird that he follows me into the bathroom all the time. So he walked out. Now I'm weirded out that he speaks English."

"Now that I'm almost 30, there is nothing more sexy to me, than a girl who is fully covered... ...By her health insurance provider."

"How can you tell if your wife has been screwing all your friends? All their dicks taste just like her twat."

"Laughter is not the best medicine. Please take your medicine."

"The official carriers of India and Pakistan. because of the risk factors: Pakistan International Airlines or PIA is expanded to Please Inform Allah. Air India or AI is expanded to Already Informed."

"What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers? Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes."

"Just finished a puzzle in only two weeks! I'm pretty proud of myself, because the box said 3-5 years."

"Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me."