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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear my construction joke? I'm still working on it..."

"I like my women like I like my scotch... ...12 years old."

"I remember when [person x] was just *this* big (hold hand at knee level)... Then as I got closer I realized it was a matter of perspective."

"What do black people and dividing by zero have in common? They don't work."

"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"

"If you had a 14 inch penis growing out of your forehead how much of it could you see? None because you would have two balls in your eyes."

"Love doesn't walk away, people do."

"What do you get when you mix chocolate milk and cocaine? Ovalsheen. Credit goes to my cousin on this one."

"What do you call a cow woth a twitch? Beef Jerky"

"What does a lingerie store and a guitar store have in common? They both sell G-strings"