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Joke of the Day

"A grasshopper walks into a bar And the bartender says ""I have a shot named after you"" The grasshopper replies ""you have a shot named Steve?!"" My bartender friend told me this, thought I should share"

"What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common? Neither can achieve an election"

"What's the difference between Hillary Clinton and Mitt Romney I'm not laughing either"

"Me: *taps one-night-stand on forehead* Unfollowed. One-Night-Stand: It doesn't work like that... Me: *taps him on forehead again* Blocked."

"What do you call a female with down syndrome? Debby Downer"

"imagine if poop was transparent. I'd completely lose my shit"

"If you want someone to like you never text first. If they text you then don't text back. Never, ever talk. It's the only way to make it work"

"I see right through Caitlin Jenner Because she's trans-parent"

"Henry constantly confuses sleeping people with dead people. Henry is also a necrophiliac so things get awkward for Henry quick"

"Apparently, the correct reply to ""Where've you been it's 3am, you're drunk & have lipstick on your collar"" is not ""You're next, fatty!"""