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Joke of the Day

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down... You have my Word."

"Finals in college are a lot like plastic surgery walk in with A's and leave with D's."

"Is it wrong to watch porn alongside a Disney inspirational video? I'm not saying I did it I'm just wondering if I should stop"

"So glad Facebook has changed the layout again!! Said no one, ever..."

"Cashier: Will that be all? Me: No. I'm getting everything like an easter egg hunt, I just wanted to show you what I've got so far."

"""[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends"" - Overheard on the bus"

"What's the difference between golf and sky-diving? In golf, it's ""*whack*... Fuck!"" And in sky-diving, it's ""Fuck!... *whack*""."

"Two greek anarchists are sitting together making molotov cocktails. One says ""so, who are we going to throw these at?"" the other replies: ""what are you, a fucking intellectual?"""

"""Cheese cannon!"" ""Terminator eyes!"" ""Solar powered cat translator!"" I'm the reason genies limit you to 3 wishes."

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take... -Lee Harvey Oswald"