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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally drank a bottle of ink. The doctor says I'll be fine, but I feel as though I've dyed inside."

"I went on a date last night!nIt went really well...up until the moment the couple realized I was following them & promptly called the cops."

"Biochemists at Chipotle have discovered a way to defeat ISIS militants without any civilian casualties Free Burrito Bowls."

"Did you hear about the kid who got his legs blown off? He's a whole two feet shorter."

"How do you make the best Harlem Shake video? You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children."

"What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden? A seizure salad"

"Why is Jewish apple cake Jewish? Because it's baked in an oven..."

"Cremation My last chance at a smoking hot body"

"Why were the potato people upset with their leader? He was a dick-tater"

"Just heard someone screaming outside and my instinct was to turn up the TV. Whatever the opposite of a superhero is, I'm that."