140936

Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a bird joke?! I don't have one... This is hawkward."

"The most important thing I look for from a potential employer is a bathroom with a good network connection."

"[First Date] Me: *licks corner of napkin* Me: *dabs at his cheek* Him: ............... Me: Sorry. Force of habit."

"Freedom of expression is great... I can make a kissy face, smiley face or a frowny face, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it"

"Who's Kony's favorite rapper? Soulja Boy."

"Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it's referring to Noah's evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life."

"I can't turn my head very far in either direction It's a pain in the neck! My mom made that up."

"What is a mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country"

"""Sound the alarm!"" ""Dude, there's no way that thing will fit."""

"Every Saturday is like an episode of CSI... I have to figure out where I was, what I did, and who I did!"