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Joke of the Day

"The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat"

"My girlfriend is pissed at me for never putting down the toilet seat. To be honest, I AM getting pretty tired of carrying it around."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang up the picture."

"You need Jesus in your life... that lawn won't mow by itself"

"Kool-Aid Man breaks through wall. ""Oh ya!"" [breaks 2nd wall] ""Oh ya!"" [3rd wall] ""OHHH YEAAHH!"" [breaks 4th wall] *Winks at camera*"

"Me: *passes ransom note* Mom: 2 bags of unmarked cookies? Me: Or you'll never see the cat alive! Mom: He's behind you. Me: STUPID KITTY!"

"what's the best part about being a man? no ."

"I wonder who I'll be racist against when I'm elderly. I hope it's robots!!"

"My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me... ...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way. Apparently, I don't know what a ""mock interview"" means."

"I got good news and bad news The bad news is there's no good news. The good news is... well I just told you. OR The good news is there's no bad news. The bad news is... well I just told you."