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Joke of the Day

"I can speak more than one vagina I'm bicunnilingual"

"""I'm going to lay right here in the doorway and give people a dumb look as they trip over me.""- Damned dog.... Could've been me though."

"I just opened a Capri Sun in the dark, sup ladies"

"To all the men out there without ponytails: What are you afraid of? SUCCESS???"

"I'm trying to initiate a neighborhood watch program but the damn neighbors keep closing their blinds."

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? you can't fuck a rock"

"What is irony? When the last person you want to see is the last person you see."

"When i apply to the job... Interviewer: So why do you want this job? Me: Well, I've always been really passionate about not starving to death."

"So Jared Fogle was actually reported to have been spotted at a local Macy's. He heard Boys pant were half off."

"I met Phil Spector's brother Crispin the other day. He's head of quality control at Lays."