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Joke of the Day

"I'm trying to initiate a neighborhood watch program but the damn neighbors keep closing their blinds."

"Since I've been on my own, I no longer trust a whole gallon of milk... The problem is every time I bring it into my house, it doesn't get drunk. It gets wasted."

"What's Shia LaBeouf's favorite kind of choral arrangement? DUETS"

"When a drunk girl in her 20s screams, ""Oh my God, I love this song!"", you can be sure that song sucks."

"Why did I need to bring a shovel on my first date? Clearly the chloroform wasn't enough."

"Unfollowing because you didnt get a follow back is like quitting drinking tea because the tea doesn't drink you back. It doesn't make sense."

"What did the salmon say to his shy Japanese girlfriend? Don't be koi."

"What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? PUMPKIN PI"

"I was surprised that Lil Jon endorsed a presidential candidate... BERN DOWN FOR WHAT?!?"

"Why do Jews watch porno movies in reverse? Because they like the part where the hooker gives the money back to the guy."