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Joke of the Day

"I ducked into a crowd of guys bro hugging as they left the bar, they didn't notice the stranger in their midst and I'm feeling so loved rn."

"Some of my lowest points are when I try to ""like"" an email"

"Lucky that guy in Good Will Hunting liked apples."

"I'm never mean to a girl in glasses, because she will most likely turn out to be hot and popular by the end of the movie."

"I think my baby might be gay He cries when I take the pacifier out of his butt"

"How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two."

"Her dad said he'd like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me."

"Whats the leading cause of pedophilia? Sexy kids"

"What's the difference.... Between eating pussy and driving in the fog? When you're driving in the fog you can't see the asshole in front of you"

"Just once I'd like to wake up as eager to start the day as my p*nis is."