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Joke of the Day

"Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years"

"As a feminist who's fairly critical of her own movement, this made me laugh: Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: That's not funny."

"What did the hippy say when I told him to get off my couch? Namaste"

"Hey, remember me from last night? You gave me the wrong number but I found you on Facebook. I'm on your porch. Can I come in?"

"How are men like noodles? They are always in hot water they lack taste and they need dough."

"Please retweet my son, it would mean a lot to him, apparently his mother's love isn't enough for him. #IfYourMomWroteYourTwitterBio"

"Why couldn't the orphan watch the movie? Because it was PG"

"BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia... Hold on, lets rephrase that: ""Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"""

"My girlfriend used Vaseline on a handjob today. I came three times in the shower trying to wash it off."

"Why the young tailor couldn't finish his father's pants? Because he had no pocket money."