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Joke of the Day

"Me: C'mon. Dog: No. Me: Let's go. Dog: No. Me: Please? Dog: YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!? Me: It's just rain. Dog: I already pooped in your shoe."

"Apparently the first thing you should say after you back over your wife's foot is ""I'm sorry"" not ""I guess that means no sex tonight"""

"The Kama Sutra has announced a new sex position called The Plumber: You stay in all day and nobody comes!"

"Why? How I answer every text when my friends with little kids ask me what I'm doing tonight Related - I never babysit"

"When you think about it , zombies are fixed humans . You just turn them off and on ."

"A man came to my door earlier and asked for a small donation towards the town's new swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water"

"Judge: *whispering* pls stop introducing yourself like this just because u work in my chambers it doesn't m- Me: YES HI IM HIS CHAMBERMAID"

"What is the black stuff between elephants' toes? Slow natives"

"What do gamers who switch consoles and mathematicians have in common? They both have problems finding x."

"put ur hair in a man-bun. now put ur beard in a man-bun too. congratulations ur now a hamburger. be free, hamburger man."