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Joke of the Day

"Before I had a child, I never knew that quietly disposing of a balloon could feel so much like a murder."

"If you loiter in a Tibetan spiritual leaders sandwich shop every day, then you dilly dally in the Dalai's deli daily."

"I broke into a shoe store and tied the laces together on all the womens shoes. Bitches be trippin."

"Did you hear about Brussels? Looks like we'll be short on sprouts this year..."

"i love how flies rub their hands together like little criminals"

"Everyone knows someone in real life that actually resembles a garden gnome."

"As it turns out you cannot recharge your cell plugging it in to an electric eel. I'm just glad this aquarium had a paramedic on duty."

"""My wife and I decided we don't want to have kids."" ""But...don't you already have 2?"" ""Yeah."""

"The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive... Donald Trump, 2012."

"I made a new drink out of isopropyl, lead paint, and cat urine. I call it a ""You Tube Comment""."