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Joke of the Day

"If I tell you I can't text you because I'm driving it's only because I'm also eating."

"There is never an excuse to use a contract killer Always pay-as-you-go."

"What is the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl? One can shoot but can't hit and the other one can hoot but can't shit."

"The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say ""Die slowly"" and ""die quickly"". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian."

"Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? TUH KEELLUHHH!!!"

"There was a kidnapping in my neighborhood today... So i woke him up."

"Any dog can be a guide dog if you don't care where you're going"

"If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day 365 days a year why are there locks on the doors?"

"One time, Chuck Norris had sex with a hooker in a truck, and some semen got on the seat... The truck is now known as Optimus Prime."

"Nicholas Cage is the same character in every movie he makes, except Face off where he was John Travolta."