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Joke of the Day

"A cup of coffee just walked up to my girlfriend and called her a 'whore'. I didn't even react. I think my caffeine tolerance is too high"

"[Spider-Man shows up at my house] *I carefully scoop him up on a piece of paper and release him outside my door*"

"How do you make Holy Water? Boil the Hell out of it!"

"A short penis joke I'm Asian"

"the C in CNN stands for cterrible"

"Whenever u feel like ur not being productive, take a nap. You'll wake up groggy & angry & have forgotten abt the whole ""productivity"" thing"

"1) Throw a ball of yarn into a fencing battle 2) Wait until the fight is over 3) Retrieve your fully-knitted sweater"

"I think I CAN wander the restaurant with my robe open and eat off of your plate, sir. This is Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family."

"What do Hitler and Terry Fox have in common? Neither can finish a race."

"How does NASA organize parties? First they planet then the stars comet."