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Joke of the Day

"A lot of people ask me ""why do you lie about the high number of people asking you things?"""

"I work at a pharmaceutical research lab, and we managed to kill a rat with marijuana today. To be fair, it took around 20 lbs of it and we had to drop it on him a few times."

"What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley."

"Guinness Book of World Records should be in the Guinness Book of World Records as being the book with the most world records."

"Proud father... I'm really proud of my daughter. She's taken her new vegetable diet very well. Just last night I found a cucumber in her room."

"Saw a monarch butterfly today, what made it special is that it was the first time it wasn't stamped on top of a strippers ass."

"How do you get to Auschwitz from Berlin? You have to take the Third Reich."

"I used to be a halogen but then I took a proton to the Ne"

"[music club] what should we play today [hand goes up] yes joe? ""banjo"" all those who wanna ban joe raise their hand [everyones hand goes up]"

"They say there are plenty of fish in the sea But until I catch one, I'm stuck here waiting holding my rod."